I’ve never been a fan of the rhinestone-encrusted-whatever look. Even when I was a little kid, I can’t ever remember feeling drawn to sparkly, flashy things to put on my body. I guess I’ve always thought lots of ‘bling’ (hate that phrase) screams “Hi, I’m really a high-maintenance broad!” loud and clear, and since I’ve moved back to the Lone Star State, it seems this sartorial nonsense has sprung beyond the Dallas metro area and has now become a face-palmingly ubiquitous look for tweens, soccer moms, and middle-aged rodeo denizens. Hyper-sparkle is everywhere, and I’m not just talking about the oversized engagement rocks I see traipsing around town (Jezebel explains the ring conundrum better than I ever could). Ladies, quit bedazzling yourselves. We see you. And, sometimes, it really ain’t cute. Observe, a couple of offenders I spotted recently:

Aside from the ‘look; shiny things!’ issue, there’s also the quandary of why certain things ever get added to clothing. Case in point: beer paraphernalia. Who thought it’d be a good idea to add beer caps to clothing and market it to women? Dudes, yes; I get that. There’s a certain male demographic that gets off on having their favorite mass-produced brew emblazoned on everything they own (usually the college set), and any woman with any sense at all will know to avoid these men like the black plague, if not for the paid advertisement for the fact that they like to get rip-roaring drunk whenever the opportunity arises, then for their abhorrent style choices.

Texas, I can’t stress this enough: lay off the sparkle. A little goes a long way, I promise. Less is more. Let’s make our state a less, er, reflective place to be.